| G.L.B.T. FRIENDLY | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
| A small intro letter from the owner: | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Hello to all that have come, Welcome to my page. I am here to help you out in the issues that surround the gay community. I am sharing with you the most important things in my life. I am sharing my torment with you. I just want to help you learn from my expereances. I hope that if you have any imput on my page page that you will e-mail me at [email protected]. If you also find an article on a gay issues and you would like me to post it up here please e-mail me. Now I will tell you a little about my self. my name is Jonathan Jennings (but, please call me Jon). I live in Bloomington, Indiana at the moment. I'm a 5 foot 5 inches tall 20 year old boi. Yes, I am gay. No I don't have a partner (yet). I am a gay activist and a very lovable and hard headed person. With a great personality. Anywhom, I will let you carrie on and become eye wide open. Take care and I hope you all live a happy and fullfilling life. LOVE ALL!, Jon(athan) Jennings | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| My coming out! | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
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I was about 6 or 7 years old when I started to realize that I found bois (boys) very very interesting to me. I didn't think to much about it till one of my friends in my second grade class during recess showed me how to give a blow-job. From that day on I knew that I was in fact gay. But, I didn't come out till I was 13. Before I came out I wanted to be sure that I was in fact gay one last time. So I started dating some girls but I really didn't get that "spark" thing with any of them. The thought of kissing them almost made me want to vomit. So I really knew at that time I was gay. I didn't want to come right out and say it. At which time I was 10. So I began to watch movies and televison shows that delt with gays. There weren't very many as I can remember. The only show on t.v. that I could watch with some help was talk shows like Rick Lake, Sally, and Oprah. Then about in 1993 I began to watch the "Ellen" show on ABC and "My So-Called Life," which had a 15 year old gay boi in it named Ricki (whom was played by a gay 19 year old Wilson Crues, pard. if I get the age wronge). By the end of 1993 I thought that I would have enought courage and guts to come out. I wanted to wait for New Years Eve and make it my New Years Resalution. So the time was coming for me to "come out of the closet"-so to speak. The closer the time and the days got the more scared I became of the thought of losing anyone. It just became Chritmas Break during my 8th grade year in '93. I just got home from school when I go in my house and see my older sister sitting on the couch in the living room watching televison. I go and put my things in my room when she called my name. I go into the living room to see what she might want. She looks at me and goes, "Jack,what my family calls me,why didn't you tell me that you were gay? I don't care and don't tell me that you're not because I read your journal." I responded, "Yeah I'm gay and what are you doing reading my journal!"-but, that's another story. she asked me if I had told anyone else and I told her that she was the first one to find out. She took it every well. She told me about one of her really close friends been gay. I told her about my plan on coming out on New Years Eve. I also told her that I wanted to tell my best friend but I was afriad of losing him. She told me that if they run becuase of something stupid like that then they weren't your ture friend to began with. Well, the next thing I know is that it's New Years Eve and I'm on my way to my best friends house. I get there party and play games. Then it tunes 1:00 in the morning and we're all in bed. Now is the best time if any. I began thinking. So I turn over to him and was like Teddie (his true name)there is something that I've been wanting to tell you. I'm gay I..."Jon your point is what? You like guys? So." was his responce. Then we went to sleep. A few past and I started back at school. My dad worked nights so I had the house to myself. The weekend was on us about this time. I went out with my "girlfriend" at the time and told her that I needed to break up with her because I was gay. She at first thought that it was her and I made it clear that it had nothing to do with her. Well, we went out and had some fun (well I thought anyways). I get home and no lights are on indicating that my dad had left for work. I unlock the door and in the kitchen standing up against the stove is my father waiting for me. I look at him and asked what he was doing home. Then he grabed me by my neck and threw me up agianst the wall pined. The next thing I hear him say,"WHY IN THE HELL ARE YOU TELLING PEOPLE THAT YOU'RE A F***KING QUEER FOR!" I looked him straight in the eyes with tears running so hard down my 13 year old face and say, "Because I am and it's who I am.""NO YOU'RE NOT! NO SON OF MINE IS GOING TO BE A DAMN QUEER! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!"he responded. "Dad this is who I am and what I am and if you can't except that then you can leave me agian like you did when I was born. I managed to live this long without you and I know I can live a lot long too." I exclamed. At that time he let me go after the beating and the tears. I went to my room and shut my door and heard him cursing and then I hear him began to cry. Then I hear him leave out of the front door, get into his car and watched him drive out of the drive-way. That was the last time I would see him for 4 almost 5 years. He would come home when I was at school and leave some food and very little money. So I had to do with what I could. I didn't have running water or even heat most of the time. Back at school a couple of week later I go in and the first thing I hear is "FAGGOT" yelled at me. And I found out that the whole school found out that I was gay by my best friend who told his girlfriend because he didn't know what to do. That whole day was a big blahness to me. The school councler came up to my lunch found me and made me go into her office and demanded that I talked about this to her before I start making these kinds of decisions about myself. She told me that I was confused and that I just needed someone to talk to about girlfriend problems. And I told her that it wasn't hers or anyone elses business what my sexual perferance was unless I desided that I should tell them and that was that. Then I walked out of her office. A couple of months had past. A lot of things had settled down since I've came out. So I thought that it would be a good idea to call my mother up at one of my lunches and tell her that I was gay. I had some support since the whole school knew about my gayness. I really didn't lose that many friends. So I get a hold of her with the rest of my friends around me to help me out and I told her that I was gay and her responce was much better than my fathers. She was like, "I already knew that. It ran threw my mind back when you were little." Than we said our good byes and hung up. But, it's now high school and I have a lot of friends that I hadn't seen in a year because they went to high school and I was still in middle school. So they didn't even here of me been gay. So here I am agian with the face of humanity to tell about my gayness. I wanted it to be the perfact timing. So I waited it we all were at one of our Marching Band Compitions. We were there waiting for the other bands to go on when we began to talk about things that another didn't know about the others. When it came to me I was like well if you want to know you will have to get it out of me. So my friend Alison chased me in the to boys restroom and bit my arm till I told her. She stoped biting me looked at me and saw that I was scared, gave me a hug and said, "We don't care that you're gay. Hell I'm bi and so are most of them." I felt a great wave of relef come over me. It wasn't till May of 1997 when I came out to the rest of my family. I began to get into a lot of trouble. Everyone was worried and I had to began to see a psychologist. I told him about my coming to terms with my sexuality and told him who I've told. Then I found the perfect time to tell, at lease my aunts and uncles, was at my older sister's first childs birth at the Hospital. They all took it very well. Thank god! But, it wasn't till my sister came on our bus almost in tears that year that I told her. She came running on the bus, sat down by me looked me in the eyes and asked me, "Why people were always been so mean to me and calling me ass fucker, faggot, fag, queer, sissy, bitch, ect." I responded to her by saying, "Cheryl I'm sorry I should have told you a lot earlier than now and I'm sorry for the way that you found out. They call me those things because I am gay." She looked at me and said, "I don't care I still love you. You're my little brother." But, there is only one other person whom I needed to come out to and I just did that about two weeks ago and it was to my older brother whom is a minister in upper Indiana. I e-mailed him a letter telling him that I'm gay and that I wanted to know his opioin on it. If you have a coming out story and would like to share it with me please e-mail me at [email protected] Thanks LOVE ALWAYS, JON | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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